COUNSELING SERVICES
I am an indie publisher, author, and the creator of a practical philosophy called identity theory, which I have meticulously developed over the past 35 years. During the day, I am a business executive. At night, I counsel and teach individuals, couples, and groups, using the methods outlined in my book The Craft of Life.
I apologize, but I do not have availability at this time. I do not accept insurance.
INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING
All of my work is based on my model, The Craft of Life, which you may read about in detail on this site. In individual work, we meet weekly or bi-weekly to undertake a deep, profound renovation of your life. Our focus is not on resolving short-term issues that may be troubling you. Instead, of fixing problems, this work is about you choosing to shift your identity by changing your belief system, which has the effect of transforming your life and the emotional quality of your relationships. I am interested in the long game, meaning teaching skills that will make a person’s life significantly better well into their old age and to the end.
The work proceeds with you reading The Craft of Life, discussing the concepts with me in session, while I take you through an interview process in which you tell your biography. This is not a typical telling of one’s life, but, rather, a very specific, guided interview that I have developed over many years. From your biography, I extract your Responses to Disapproval Form, which contains on one page: your childhood beliefs about disapproval, your masking behaviors, the feelings that you habitually hide from others, and your emotional longings, which you surrendered in childhood to avoid your parent’s disapproval. This single sheet of paper becomes the foundation of a profound new tool in that it permits you to see indirectly into your own unconscious self by allowing you to recognize behaviors that you could not see before; it allows you to understand beliefs that you could not consider before. We then take this information and begin to apply it to your current life and relationships. This calls for you to practice what you have learned. As you do, you begin to develop new skills and awareness, which is why this is called a craft. As we progress, old patterns heal, old injurious relationships fall away, while new meaning continues to arise. We continue in this vein until it is time to stop.
COUPLES COUNSELING
All of my work is based on my model, The Craft of Life, which you may read about in detail on this site. In couple’s work, we meet weekly or bi-weekly to undertake a deep, profound renovation of your individual lives and your life as a couple. Our focus is not on resolving short-term issues that may be troubling you. Instead of fixing problems, this work is about you choosing to shift your identity by changing your belief system, which has the effect of transforming your life and the emotional quality of your relationship with your partner. I am interested in the long game, meaning teaching skills that will make a couple’s life significantly better well into their old age and to the end.
The work proceeds with both of you reading The Craft of Life, discussing the concepts with me in session, while I take both of you through an interview process in which you tell your individual biographies. One of you speaks; the other listens. This goes on for several sessions. It is almost impossible to hear another person’s story and not feel their experience. This naturally creates empathy, promotes understanding, and encourages acceptance. Couples feel both vulnerable, which is frightening, but seen and heard, which is profoundly satisfying. This is not a typical telling of one’s life, but, rather, a very specific, guided interview that I have developed over many, many years.
From your biographies, I extract your individual Responses to Disapproval Forms, which contain on one page: your childhood beliefs about disapproval, your masking behaviors, the feelings that you habitually hide from others, and your emotional longings, which you surrendered in childhood to avoid your parent’s disapproval. This single sheet of paper becomes the foundation of a profound new tool in that it permits you to work together and in ways that were simply not possible before.
Here’s how. A conflict occurs. One of you reacts, which sets the other off. A fight ensues. You both fall into your blind spots because you are emotionally inflamed. Nothing changes. Old relationship patterns remain intact. Unconsciousness is preserved. Or . . . a conflict occurs. One of you reacts, which sets the other off. A fight ensues. One of you says, “Wait a minute. We’re having a parent-child collision from the past. So you take out your forms and review the incident through these two specific filters. You understand your reactions in a new way. You express what you want. You listen to each other. As a result, your self-awareness grows; your relationship shifts; your identities change ever so slightly. You have begun a new pattern in your relationship while breaking an old and inefficient one that served no constructive purpose. As we progress, we repeat this exercise over and over. As a result, old patterns heal, new emotional space arises, and genuine love and respect take root and grow. This represents the getting of new skills, which is why this is called a craft.
FAMILY COUNSELING
All of my work is based on my model, The Craft of Life, which you may read about in detail on this site. In family counseling, we meet weekly or bi-weekly to undertake a deep, profound renovation of your lives as a family. Our focus is not on resolving short-term issues that may be vexing you. Instead, of fixing problems, this work is about you (meaning all participants) choosing to shift your identity by changing your belief system, which has the effect of transforming your life and the emotional quality of your relationship with your family members. I am interested in the long game, meaning teaching skills that will make a family’s life significantly better across multiple generations. Older members experience a more conscious connected journey as they age; younger members learn skills that assist them in raising children (should they so choose) and building conscious, authentic relationships, starting, of course, with themselves.
The work proceeds with everyone reading The Craft of Life, discussing the concepts with me in session, while I take each person through an interview process in which participants tell their biography. One of you speaks while the rest listen. This goes on for several sessions. It is almost impossible to hear another person’s story and not feel their experience. In families, this can be particularly difficult as parents hear what their children saw and experienced growing up, and children hear what their parents saw and experienced as they grew up. The fact is that while most family members love one another, there are times when they do not like each other. It is very powerful when parents allow children to tell them how they have hurt them, and it is equally compelling for children to hear the same from their parents, but this is part of what is required to build a conscious, authentic relationship.
The sharing of one’s pain and biography naturally creates empathy, promotes understanding, and encourages acceptance. Members feel both vulnerable, which is frightening, but seen and heard, perhaps for the first time, which is profoundly satisfying. This is not a typical telling of one’s life, but, rather, a specific, guided interview that I have developed over many years. From your biographies, I extract your Responses to Disapproval Forms, which contains on one page: your childhood beliefs about disapproval, your masking behaviors, the feelings that you habitually hide from others, and your emotional longings, which you surrendered in childhood to avoid your parent’s disapproval. This single sheet of paper becomes the foundation of a profound new tool in that permits you to work together and in ways that were simply not possible before.
Here’s how. A conflict occurs. One of you reacts, which sets the other off. A fight ensues. You both fall into your blind spots because you are emotionally inflamed. Perhaps additional family members are brought into the fray, which sets their stories off as well. Nothing changes. Old relationship patterns remain intact. Unconsciousness is preserved. Or . . . a conflict occurs. One of you reacts, which sets the other off. A fight ensues. One of you says, “Wait a minute. We’re having a parent-child collision from the past. So you take out your forms and review the incident through these specific filters. You see and understand your reactions in a new way. Emotional space becomes available. You express what you want to the other person. You listen to each other. As a result, your self-awareness grows; your relationship shifts; your identities change ever so slightly. You have begun a new pattern in your relationship as a family while breaking old and ineffective ones that served no constructive purpose. As we progress, we repeat this exercise over and over between all participants. As a result, old patterns heal, consciousness expands, and genuine love and respect take root and grow. This process and practice represent the getting of new skills, which is why it is called a craft.
GROUP WORK
Perhaps the best way to learn The Craft of Life is by participating in a small study group. Members gather weekly for approximately nine months to read, practice, and learn together. I act as the facilitator. Groups are either all male or all female, but not mixed. Approximately half of each session is devoted to reviewing a chapter and its concepts, which produces rich, lively dialogue. In the other half, I take each member through an interview process in which they tell their biography. One person speaks, and the rest listen. The sharing of one’s pain and biography naturally creates empathy, promotes understanding, and encourages acceptance. Members feel both vulnerable, which is frightening, but seen and heard, perhaps for the first time, which is profoundly satisfying. This is not a typical telling of one’s life, but, rather, a very specific, guided interview that I have developed over many years.
From their biographies, I extract each person’s individual Responses to Disapproval Form, which contains on one page: their childhood beliefs about disapproval, their masking behaviors, the feelings that they habitually hide from others, and their emotional longings, which they surrendered in childhood to avoid their parent’s disapproval. This single sheet of paper becomes the foundation of a profound new tool in that it permits the person to work on his or her issues in ways that were not possible before.
Here’s how. You experience an area of conflict or persistent dissatisfaction in your life. So you take out your form and review the situation with the group through this specific filter. The group helps you to see and understand your reactions in a new way. As a result, you become clearer about who you are and what you want; you begin to see the self-limiting beliefs and behaviors that you unconsciously enact, which prevent you from changing or getting what you want. As a result, your self-awareness grows; your relationships begin to shift; your identity begins to change. You have new perceptions and introduce new beliefs into your life; you let go of old and ineffective ones that you now realize served no constructive purpose. As the group progresses, we repeat this practice over and over with all participants, and we watch together as old patterns heal, consciousness expands, and genuine love and respect take root and grow. This process and practice represents the getting of new skills, which is why it is called a craft.